Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
