my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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