Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
