just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
