Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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