Duck Duck Cougar?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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