I didn't shave. On purpose
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
