Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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