I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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