you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
