You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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