She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
