you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize