I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
