...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
