and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
