We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
