The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
