I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
