i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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