She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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