My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
