My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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