After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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