Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
