I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize