I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come on in and take your pants off
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