Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
