You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
