dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
