i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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