Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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