Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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