let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
