So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
