I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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