you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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