if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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