Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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