I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
