On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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