I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize