Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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