You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
