booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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