He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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