I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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