If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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