Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
