strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
