It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
