I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
