who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
