you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
