You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
