Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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