well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
