Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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