I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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