If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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