Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
