And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
