You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
