bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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