I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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