I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
