I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
