Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
