im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
