Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
not ubering you a puppy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
