had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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