You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This beer is not sobering me up at all
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
