i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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