I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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