Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
