How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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