More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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