You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
