so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
