i just had sex bonerless
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
