My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
